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Growing up, I only knew how to follow fashion trends, not create my own. Ever since I started using social media platforms like Tumblr and Instagram in middle school, I’ve noticed that people who stay on top of trends get more likes and comments on their posts. And I wanted that sense of validation for myself, too.
So I started dressing like someone I saw on social media. I started posting the same outfit over and over again – high waisted jeans and a crop top. Clothing from popular brands like Urban Outfitters and Brandy Melville became less about the right outfit and their ability to blend in.
Having a trendy style meant I didn’t have to worry about making mistakes with my look. And I grew up relying on the sense of conformity I felt by dressing like the people around me.
But as I grew older, my pressure to look “normal” kept me from exploring who I was. I didn’t know what clothes and makeup felt because I was so focused on the way others looked at me. I gave too much power to others, even though the important opinion was my own.
When I entered college, I stopped using social media frequently. That’s when I started trying on different clothes. And I made a lot of fashion decisions that I would never repeat. But even if I don’t like some of the looks, I have no regrets. Because after a year of exploring other options, I felt very close to my own feelings.
Now I’m learning what makes me feel confident and what clothes to wear so I don’t depend on other people’s wishes. When I reduced the influence of social media on my life, I realized what I wore best. And even though it seemed a little fashionable, I was finally free to be myself.
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