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Not every gadget is a winner. And as it turns out, few are complete losers. The massive electronics bonanza known as CES 2023 is in the books and it has a lot to offer. Strange gadgets On its own, from peer-to-peer toilets to screened-in cutlery. But what if we turned back the clock to take in past CES shows?
Over the past 20-plus years, I’ve seen gadgets that seem to only exist sometimes become so stupid that journalists like me write about them. But it’s time to call out the worst, the worst. Vacuum shoes, toilet paper robots, MP3 weapon cases, it’s time to shine!
The most amazing part of this rogues gallery is that some of these products — Pepe’s Pet Dryer, Happyfork and Hushme, to name a few — are still being sold today. That’s right, you guys blew it!
Dyson Zone air-purifying headphones
Nothing unusual here.
Andrew Lanxon/CNET
It’s not technically a CES product as it was announced in 2022, but Dyson was showing off its Zone headphones in Las Vegas in 2023. Although the zone seems like it should be a covid mask, unfortunately it doesn’t. According to Dyson’s site, the development in the zone was not designed in 2016 as a personal air filter — for pollution, primarily — and as such, to protect against Covid. Plus, one critic said the gadget’s power-hungry fans could help. Increase your chances of catching the corona virus. CNET’s Katie Collins tested it at Dyson’s headquarters in the UK.Too bright and strange to ignore.”
Read more: The Dyson Zone Air Filter headphones will go on sale in January for $949
Charmin Rollbot
CNET
Computer peripherals maker Razer is the king of creating “look at me” products specifically for CES, but toilet tissue brand Charmin has become popular for this 2020 entry. That’s right, the year it appeared Mass panic buying toilet paper A robot has arrived that can bring you more! By chance? Yes…maybe. The Rollbot will never be a real product, but we love it/hate it.
Read more: These Charmin robots make us wonder: Are they breaking the next technological frontier?
Kolibre Smart Toothbrush
Kolibre’s new connected toothbrush tracks users’ movements, helping them brush in the most efficient way possible.
Hummingbird
Remember to wash your hands for 20 seconds Singing songs to ourselves? The same principle applies to brushing your teeth, but why use your own brain and lips as a mouthwash? There have been many smart toothbrushes over the years, but today I’m choosing the Hummingbird. Everything was fine. good Until the “world’s first connected electric toothbrush” came along. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…
Read more: The Kolibre Connected Toothbrush aims for better dental health.
Taser MP3 Holster
High resistance
In the 2000s, The iPod became such a cultural phenomenon As each company rushed to create its own MP3 player. This is topped off by the Taser MP3 Holster, one of the dumbest CES products in recent memory. Imagine not only filling your holster with 1GB of tunes, but trying to connect it to your computer via USB.
Read more: What every Taser needs: A music-playing holster
Pepe pet dryer
Pepe is a dryer for your dogs and cats.
Patrick Holland/CNET
Want to find a new way to make your little dog or cat hate you forever? Lock them in a cube prison for 25 minutes (!) and blow warm air into them. This combination torture device/dryer would have set you back $660, or you could throw your towel over your wet dog like a normal person.
Read more: At CES 2019, a $660 sauna will give your dog the dryness of its life
Happyfork
CNET
Throughout history, there have been so many gadgets designed to limit normal human behavior, but this one (Pan) takes the cake. The HapiFork is another vibrating device that tells you to eat your food slowly (over 20 minutes), the idea being that you’ll be less likely to overeat. Personally, I’d scramble my own food like I was in jail, and do the worst, Happyfork. I will eat with my hands if I have to! You are not my boss!
Read more: Are you beating your food? Put on the HapiFork brake
Hushme
Hushme in veil mode.
David Carnoy/CNET
Hushme is literally a “dumb” product — designed to mute other people around the user. It’s supposed to be useful in workplaces, but… if a co-worker were to give me one of these, they’d better wear vacuum shoes to clean up the pieces they’ve happily stepped on.
Read more: Hushme might be the weirdest yet most useful pair of wireless headphones ever created.
Belty
Make room for a belt that holds up slimmer or stretchy modern pants to correct small changes in your waistline. It’s not a joke.
Nick Statt/CNET
The original Belty was a prototype smart belt with a motor that adjusted itself as you ate or sat down. Practical as hell, but kind of cool? While there’s a new model, also called the Beltie, this one is even weirder — no auto-scale, but it does have a power bank charger in the locker. Okay, two things. I’m not the only one no i don’t I want a switchable connector near my nethers, where I don’t want to connect series devices.
Read more: Meet Belty, the hilarious but strangely popular CES steal revealed.
Xybernaut Poma
Formerly a PC consultant, Sean Captain is a Xybernaut Poma model. via seancaptain.com.
Sen. Captain
First shown at CES 1998, the Hitachi Xybernaut wearable computer was a scary idea a long time ago. Google Glass It was bright even in the eyes of Baba Parviz. The Windows CA-based Xybernaut Poma offers a 128MHZ RISC processor and 32MB RAM for the low price of $1,499, plus it’s strapped to your arm and face and strapped to your belt!
Read more: Hitachi fashion accessories
Denso vacuum shoes
Sarah Tew/CNET
Shoes. You wear them. They get tired, they buy more. But that’s not fun now, is it? they need Things In them — phones, rockets, rollers and… vacuums? There are so many quotes I could even make about the name Denso vacuum shoes, but their existence was the biggest joke of all.
Read more: Vacuum cleaner shoes will be on display at CES because why not
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