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Dear Harriette: I have been partying pretty hard since the pandemic started. That’s a good two years — maybe a little more if I’m totally honest. Partying means drinking, smoking, hanging out. For the most part, it hasn’t been such a big deal. Sometimes I have gotten a little sick to my stomach, but then I pull back.
Anyhow, this summer as I have been hanging out with friends, I have noticed that my stomach is getting upset a lot. I get loose bowels pretty often, and I haven’t been holding food down well. I have cut back on the partying, but my stomach still doesn’t feel so good. I’m sure I have done this to myself, but I need to know what to do now. — Queasy Stomach
Dear Queasy Stomach: Congratulations on waking up and recognizing that your body needs help. Excess in any way can be detrimental to your body. Your excessive choices have likely taken a toll on your liver, kidneys and who knows what other organs and systems in your body. You should immediately contact your doctor and schedule a complete physical. Be honest with your doctor, and explain what you have been doing, how long and to what extent. Do not hold back. Tell the doctor everything so that the picture of your behavior and intake is clear. Once you get a health assessment, follow whatever is prescribed to heal yourself.
You may also consider psychological counseling to help you face whatever challenges you have been drowning out. And, of course, drink lots of water.
Dear Harriette: I have been so mad at my husband for things he has done in the past that it has been hard for me to have any good thoughts about him. Honestly, all I have been doing in my head — and otherwise — has been complaining about him. In many ways, he deserves it. He has not stepped up to take care of basic responsibilities that he accepted and that need to be handled. It infuriates me that he could let some simple but key things languish and put us in a deep financial hole because of negligence. That’s real. Even so, he can also be kind and helpful and funny and nice.
I have recently started remembering the good things, in part because we have spent most of the summer away from each other. The time apart has gotten me to thinking: Rather than walking away from him and the life we have built together, maybe we should recommit and work together to figure things out. I don’t know whether he will be game, but I’m beginning to think that it could be worth it. How do I approach him to get him to agree to start over? — Second Chance
Dear Second Chance: This awakening about your marriage could not have come at a better time. You have already committed time to this relationship and life. Before you walk away, you deserve to figure out if you can reignite your love and pledge to each other to forge ahead.
Sit down with your husband and be really honest. Tell him how you have been feeling, including your lack of faith in the union. Describe your frustrations and fears. Then add your recent memories of the man you married and the life you have shared. Paint a picture for your husband of what you imagine the future to be if you both work on it. Point out what you need him to do to be an active partner in your life together. Ask him if he wants to rekindle your bond and strengthen your relationship. If he agrees, make a plan that includes individual and shared functions, and go together to therapy if he is willing. That support can be invaluable as you work to get back on course.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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