Are ‘Vanderpump Rules’ and Scandal Drama Good Business?

Photo: Amanda Edwards/Getty Images

An all-out media circus was Scadoval’s best. Vanderpump rules. The cheating scandal was a financial boon for Bravo and good for the ratings (Eating for free has an entire section dedicated to it), Ariana Maddix and Lala Kent have each launched business lines. But what about the restaurants? Both Tom Tom and Schwartz & Sandy are closely associated with the Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval brands, and those are featured in every Hawaii Mandel podcast or WWHL Appearance. At the beginning of Scandal, there were reports that both Tom-related sites were experiencing cancellations, Yelp review bombings, and even vandalism. Pump, the veritable cornerstone of Lisa Vanderpump’s West Hollywood empire, may be closing soon. According to Eater, the restaurant is having trouble finding a new lease and briefly lost its liquor license.

I had to know: Now that we hate Tom and Tom as a nation, who goes to Tom Tom? SUR (Sexy Specialty Restaurant) How is Stacy Schroeder doing so many years after she last graced her presence? And what should be the pump? Only an embedded reporter could answer these questions. I went to LVP Complex Sur, Pump and Tom Tom with my husband and friend. Vanderpump Change Josie. Then I dropped into Schwartz and Sandy’s night room at ten and ran into Schwartz himself. The following is the story I saw.

We start our VPR triple crown with a pump because we need to take care of our national symbols while we can. When you arrive at the West Hollywood facility, you’d never know the place is in real estate limbo. It’s filled with a seven-deep line at the host stand. In the dining room, the LVP school of interior design is on display: candle altar, fake roses everywhere, Sheba Chip stripped wood. (Sometimes I think about cleaning the pump and go into a complete panic.) And adorning one wall is a portrait of Lisa herself, somewhere between Warhol and Nagel in style. However, this is a pleasant environment, everything is in harmony with pink or loose beige.

Our party chose to sit in the “first come, first served” bar area next to James Kennedy’s DJ booth, as the waiter’s stand is a hookah scene. Let’s discuss the skinniest jean-clad waiter I’ve ever seen in real life. I ask him how business has been since Scandoval broke. “Honestly, it was better,” he said. “Tom Tom was a bit down, but now it’s back. The only thing is we don’t know the lease terms yet. He said Tom Tom has negotiated a new lease for the location, but Pamp remains up in the air.

I ordered the infamous Pumptini with a strawberry floating in it. If Grub Street is to be believed, it is very similar in concept to Selenatini’s at Holiday Bar in New York. Standing at the bar, I get a big whiff of decay from the jewel hole.

I made a reservation (seats at Pump and Tom Tom require ample reservations, although they are still available late at night) but decided to chat with the people at the bar instead. Standing in line to reserve my table, I ask the people behind me what brought them to Vanderbilt. They are two women. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Fans (Dorit is their favorite). None of them saw it. Vanderpump rules, They weren’t particularly upset that LVP was gone. Housewives. One of her friends is visiting from Chicago, and while she’s in LA she insists on visiting the motherland, which will be a recurring theme in my report.

Now I’m second in the host position. It’s been maybe three minutes since I joined the line and the couple in front of me is waiting three or four minutes longer than me.

“We’ve been waiting for about ten minutes,” said the woman.

“I am very sorry to hear that,” replied the host.

“I think we need a drink or something,” the woman says. “We’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.”

Appeared:
• Max, Lisa’s son used to take the bus at SUR but now seems to be a manager.

“Villa Blanca is where you take your wife; SUR is where you take your mistress,” Josie says (referring to LVP in the series premiere Vanderpump rules). “And Tom Tom, I guess that’s where you get the gay watch from. beauty and the beast?”

It’s a steampunk wet dream in Tom Tom. One side of the center bar is a sophisticated clock, while the front bars drink the signature Clockwork Pink. But we are not on the clock side of the bar.

Tom Tom is installed. DJ Slash’s personal trainer will keep the night going with just the right amount of throwback music and obscure italo-disco style tracks.

I use the toilet, which has metal stairs at the back – but if you get past the picture of Tom kissing Tom, you’re too far. In the bathroom, I met another pair of friends, one from out of town and one local. The out-of-towner headed straight from Vancouver to Tom Tom, a live-action film on the shores of both our fair nations. I wish you a pleasant visit.

As they watched, I overheard them talking about sneaking into the men’s bathroom and finishing the hunt. The real genius of the LVP complex is Disneyland.

Our food arrives. Spicy cauliflower is good as hosts. Lust special podcast Say yes. But I don’t like how much our server touches my husband, who sits on the opposite side of the party from me. I could tell she was beating my wife up thinking it would pay the bills and it was good for her. It’s naive to be mad about this, to believe that the fart really loves you, and I’m mad. I wonder if it’s something about space. This is the episode where Ariana sees the alleged FaceTime sex video between Tom and Rachel. The toxic heterosexual reality-TV power seeping into my pores.

Appeared:
• High, again.
• Logan Noah, former BFF of James Kennedy.

We sat down at SUR with Diana, who once told Christine Doute to “suck your dick.” It takes us to the back garden where Tom punches Jax in the face in season two. We are next to a large antique gate and a multi-armed statue of a Hindu god.

SUR is the theme-parkiest of all her restaurants. But it’s not a fancy theme-park restaurant like Cartier Club at Disney California Adventure. It’s a weird restaurant like the one at Universal Studios where you get sponge cake but now inexplicably serves poke. It’s right next to the Waterworld Stout Show, so if you decide to brave raw fish at a theme park, you’ll hear people yelling about the sailors while you do it.

SUR is also theme-park-y because there are a surprising number of kids here. It’s 10 a.m. and kids are running to the bathrooms where Jax once beat up Laura Lane. We have a family celebrating Easter with Sur’s special Easter menu. The next morning, the restaurant serves an Easter brunch, sexier and more special.

Of the three properties we visit, SUR is the only one that is completely unsealed. Maybe because SUR is more of a dinner place and we’re here too late. Maybe it’s because SUR isn’t the only one on Santa Monica Boulevard’s main drag. Or maybe it’s because SUR is a little less interesting. Only He hears. B – Group.

Sur’s back is dead, but the bar is fine. (Pro tip: Scotch is the way to go at SUR—the ten-year-old Laphroaig is the cheapest.) Vanderpump rules Replays on TV as Peter serves a team. Girl “Wow!” It plays like a second Rihanna song. “If nothing else, SUR is a place to go, ‘Wow!’” says Josie.

Appeared:
• Guillermo Zapata, co-owner of Sur.
• Diana Dacheva.
• Peter Madrigal.

Next Wednesday – the first night of episode-ten I visited Schwartz and Sandy solo. I work till 11pm so I only have an hour to observe and report. And who will I see the second I get there? Tom Crazy Schwartz. He is having fun with different parties in the bar.

Schwartz and Sandy’s is not in the WeHo nexus with the other bars. It’s in the Franklin Village strip mall on the same block as Upright Citizens Brigade and Dog Watch. This is not a high foot traffic area, especially this late on a Wednesday night. But Kate, the bartender, shows me the height of her drink orders, and it’s about four inch receipts. She calls it a “good stack” for a Wednesday.

Schwartz and Sandy are decorated with all the Vanderbars. (I don’t hyperventilate when I think about dusting it off.) The theme is tiki neighborhood or jingaloo. Many botanical publications. I grabbed the one seat left at the bar and ordered a Thai Tea Manhattan. Much better than the old fashioned variation I had at Tom Tom. Subtle, balanced, with the earthy sweetness of Thai iced tea. The drinks at Swartz & Sandy’s are expensive, but cheaper than anything you’ll find at LVP Vegas bars.

I talk to the women sitting to my right (the women to my left are shooting from Tom). Both are local. One is in the service industry, a bartender. Schwartz and Sandy are second in what they call “Wild Wednesday.” First, dinner at Found Oyster, a no-nonsense seafood spot. Then this bar. Then to the Jumbo Clown Room for a raunchy birthday. A bundle of dollar bills sits next to them — for the birthday boy — and gets a lot of attention from people holding drinks.

It’s something between a jumbo dive bar and a strip club for non-Angelenos. Courtney Love used to work there. The dancers choose their own music, and it’s more about spectacle and vibes than nudity. “It’s not about the breasts when I go to Jumbo!” A man sitting at a bar shouts. “It’s a good time!”

In true barista fashion, the woman next to me ordered shots of Fernet. But the bar is low on Fernet, which shows that Schwartz and Sandy have a high industrial population. The place has Malort, Fernet’s annoying cousin from Chicago. It’s a Swartz favorite. My new bartender friend is from Chicago, so she and Schwartz bonded over this awesome brew. “I’ve always wanted to visit Chicago,” he said. He gives the girls a parting shot of Malort before going to Jumbo. Apparently, Scandal or not, and Fernett, people will be attending Vanderpump’s nearby property for seasons to come.

I ask Tom if I can write about Mallort in this story because I haven’t given him a chance to talk about whether the shootings are on the record. “Are you a writer? That’s cool!” he says. Then we do a Malort shot, and I get a commemorative shot glass to boot. Schwartz and I chat, and wow, his physical beauty is overwhelming, just radiating puppy energy.

The bar is closed and people are asking Schwartz where they should go next. He recommends Birds, a rotisserie-chicken place on the same block. I recommend Lily’s Bar, which is further down in Franklin. The music is off, the lights are on, and everyone is hailing Ubers. “to be continued?” Tom asks as we part. Yes, Tom, I’ll be back on Friday for the birthday party.

Appeared:
• Tom!